Why

What are we, what do we do and why do we do it? I’ve heard people say you need to figure out what your “why” is. I guess it has to do with, if you know your “why”, then you at least of a target to aim for. It’s certainly not easy, in fact it can be complicated as you try to answer the question. In one way you want this, in another way you want that. And you find yourself lost or stuck trying to define your “why”, even though deep down inside you know exactly what it is…you’ve just never defined it.

I have a pretty good handle on who I am, what I do and sort of why I do it. I am me. I know that’s brief, but I am who I am. Now just because I know who I am, that doesn’t mean I want to stay the same person as I am today. I want to evolve, I want to learn, I want to grow, but I also don’t want to lose me, whatever me really means. “I’d rather be a hypocrite than the same person forever.” was said by Adam Horovitz of the Beastie Boys. How many people do you know who stay stuck because they refuse to change. We all change, we all evolve. Views we have today might not be the same views we have tomorrow. I think knowing that you can change and evolve is powerful. I know I don’t want to be the same person forever.

I grew up with a grandfather who said he “was too dumb to learn”. Fuck That, is all I think when I hear that. I got in trouble my entire life for not giving into dumb statements like that just because he was my grandfather. I had family members defend that mentality and tell me to “just do it for him” he wont change. Fuck That I thought. It’s like dealing with a child, do you think a parent would let me get away with saying something like that and not even trying? I think that’s the part that upset me the most, the not trying. 

All I ask is that you try, you take interest, you give it your best shot. You don’t wimp out with some lame line like “I’m too dumb to learn”. And you know what, all the people around him enabled this mentality. The truth is, he was no dummy, he was well liked, had a huge social circle of extremely successful people, but I always wonder if he held himself back and why he held himself back. I know he didn’t take a lot of risks in life. Maybe it’s because he was part of the “Great Generation” and they didn’t take as many risks. Or maybe it was just who he was, because plenty of his friends took big risks and reaped BIG rewards. I honestly have no idea why I went this direction, but I think it has to do something with me framing my “why”.

Dare I say my “why” is rooted in selfishness? Well I said it and I know it’s true. I do look out for myself, and I am self aware most of the time. But don’t mistake that selfishness for a lack of caring for others. Part of my “why” is rooted in helping and doing good for others. But I still want to look out for myself as well. 

I think people are afraid to acknowledge their own selfishness. Society has trained people to “say” and “do” the perceived “right” things. Aka, don’t rock the boat, play the game, and it just is, what it is. I don’t buy it, and I don’t play that game. I don’t conform to the norms and don’t think people really should. I think people should not be afraid to speak their mind, but on the flip side, if you speak your mind, you need to be prepared for the counter argument. And when someone disagrees with you, you can’t cry foul, like someone’s attacking you, and “it’s not fair”.

Let me get back on track with what I do and why I do it. I am a creative, I’ve always been a creative, and I can’t image being anything else. I was about to say, I’ve been a creative since I was a little kid, but I think we all were in one way or another. Do some people lose that childhood creativity, and others somehow channel it differently? I don’t know, but I know, I am most happy when I am creating. 

My creating centers around a few things. One is, making my brain feel good. And two, creating to elicit some sort of response and emotion in someone else. If I’m standing still, I feel like I’m stagnating and failing. When I’m moving and creating, I feel like a million bucks.

Why do I want to elicit a response in people? I think it has to do with helping people feel something. It could be seeing a photo of themselves they love. It could be learning from the educational content I put out. It could be a memory that’s triggered by something I say or do. My why is centered around making people feel something. 

I’ve been lucky enough to figure out what it is I like to do and why. But I’m not satisfied and don’t think I ever will be. I don’t want to stagnate, I want to continue to evolve. I know what I love doing today, but I doin’t know where tomorrow will take me. I would like to think I am open to the direction it goes, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little scared. But that’s life, if you never feel pain or joy, or even a healthy dose of fear…then what’s the point.

I’m far from perfect. I’m not even striving for perfect, as I see good enough, as being good enough. The what that triggered this brain dump was me thinking about my second photo book coming to life. As the kickstarter ends in roughly 30 hours, I’m thankful for everyone who backed it. I’m hopeful that it turns out the way I envision. And of course I’m a little scared. But most importantly, I’m proud and excited to see where the road goes.

Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.